Saturday, October 14, 2017

Covenant vs. Contractual Marriage

For a marriage to truly thrive and bring us the full measure of happiness that God intended, it must be seen as more than a legally-bound agreement.  Rather, we should view marriage as a sacred covenant.  Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy taught that keeping marriage covenants requires spouses to “surrender unconditionally, obeying God and sacrificing for each other. Then they will discover what Alma called “incomprehensible joy” (Covenant Marriage, 1996).  While the world would celebrates easily-acquired temporal pleasures, they are shallow and short lived compared to the lasting joys and happiness that can only come through long-term commitment and sacrifice.   

In the same talk, Elder Hafen gave these distinctions between covenant marriages versus contractual marriages:

Contractual Marriage
Covenant Marriage
When troubles come, spouses seek happiness by walking away.
When troubles come, spouses seek happiness by working them through together. 
Each person gives 50%
Each person give 100%
Spouses selfishly seek their own happiness.
Spouses selflessly look for ways to serve one another.
Critical
Complimentary
Autonomous – sees marriage and family as a type of bondage
United by ties of love– sees marriage and family as a haven of belonging

I think we could surmise that when spouses strive to develop any Christ-like attribute they are more likely to have a covenant marriage.  This reminds me of the phrase in the Family Proclamation which teaches that a successful marriage and family needs to be based on Christ’s teachings, including repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, and compassion (The Family, para. 7). 

It Takes 3
A covenant marriage involves three parties:  husband, wife, and Christ.  As we seek to involve Christ and his teachings into our marriage, it will have a positive influence our relationship with one another.  In the June 2006 Ensign, Elder David A. Bednar explained it this way: 



“The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him” (Moro. 10:32). Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together.” 





Personal Application
In reading this I have to remind myself that if I want Christ to be a part of my marriage, then I need to strive to emulate Him in the way I treat my spouse.  Are there any attitudes or beliefs within my marriage that are contrary to His example?  I know that I can use the power of His atonement to overcome these personal weaknesses and improve my marriage relationship. 

References:
Bednar, David. Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan.  Ensign. June 2006. 
Hafen, Bruce. Covenant Marriage.  Ensign. November 1996, 26.
The family: A proclamation to the world. (1995, November).    Ensign, 25, p. 102.




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