Safeguarding Your Marriage from Infidelity

You never thought it would lead to this. You were just trying to be friendly and helpful, or you thought it would be a good missionary opportunity.  As you spent more and more time together, however, you began feeling closer to them.  When you were apart, you often found your thoughts turning towards them.  You began to prefer their company over your spouse’s, and as you find you and your spouse becoming increasingly distant from one another, you begin to entertain thoughts of how it would be to be married to this other person.  The next thing you know, the opportunity to act on those thoughts presents itself, and it seemed to happen so naturally you don’t realize how far you’ve gone until it is too late. 

Fidelity in marriage goes beyond ensuring you haven’t committed physical acts of intimacy with someone other than your spouse.  In fact, those that have crossed the line rarely intended to at the onset of their relationship with the other person.  If we are not vigilant, we can easily cross into a “danger zone” (Matheson, 2009) that leads to heartache and destroyed trust.

My husband and I have committed with one another to never spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex, even while driving, and to include our spouse in any one-on-one communication with someone of the opposite sex.  This may sound extreme to some people, but we want to avoid even the “appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22).  So, if my husband needs to talk to the YW president on the phone to coordinate activities, then I am in the same room.  If I have to send a text to my son’s basketball coach, then I show it to my husband.  I want all of my associations with the opposite sex to be completely transparent.  “Avoiding is better than resisting” (Goddard, 2009, 95).

The Lord’s standard for fidelity includes emotional and spiritual as well as physical fidelity.  In what ways do people commit emotional and spiritual infidelity?

Kenneth W. Matheson, Professor of School of Social Work at Brigham Young University outlined this in an article he wrote for the September 2009 Ensign :

·         Emotional Infidelity:  When emotions and thoughts are focused on someone other than a spouse.

·         Spiritual Infidelity:  When a person does not honor their temple covenants and keep their thoughts in accordance with their covenants.

In sum, fidelity “means complete commitment, trust, and respect between husband and wife.” (2009). If you are not wholly and completely committed to your spouse, then you need to repent.  In modern-day revelation as recorded in the Doctrine and Covenants, God has commanded that “Thou shalt love thy wife [or husband] with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her [or him] and none else” (D&C 42:22).  

President Ezra Taft Benson expounded on this:

“The words none else eliminate everyone and everything.  The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.” (1972

For the sake of your marriage, it’s good to take a regular self-assessment of relationships outside of our marriage.  Matheson gives us some great questions to answer for this (2009):

Satan is very subtle.  As we are aware of his tactics and stay vigilant, our marriages can thrive under the protective canopy of complete trust and commitment. 

References:

Goddard, H.W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Publishing.

Kimball, Spencer W., Faith Precedes the Miracle, 1972, 142-43.

Matheson, K.W. "Fidelity in marriage: It's more than you think." Ensign, Sept. 2009, 13-16.